A Poem

Entranced

I want to be entranced. I want to meld and merge into beauty and transcend from all that is mad. I want to be swept away. Like a love hold. Like a locked gaze, under the sheets. So close that I lose my sense of time. And all that which separates me seizes to exist. I want to be captivated. And held in loves arms. I want to become that which I seek. I want to weep all out the sadness and fear and be held in warmth at once. I want the warmth to heal all my wounds and crack my heart wide open, I want to forgive once and for all, and walk in peace. I want to hold my own hand with tenderness. I  want there to be a smile lingering always underneath the surface. I want to be entranced.
By love. At last. My own.
And I am. I do.
Endlessly remembering.

After many years of searching.
Searching outside myself.
Seeking approval.
Seeking acceptance.
Seeking others to give me something that only I can hold. Only I can maintain.
And so now I dare not expect from anyone this thing I can give to myself.
If someone chooses to, they do so on their own accord.
Willingly. And wholeheartedly.
Half way is suffocating.
But in the end, it is only I who can give wholly and completely.
I ask of no one to join me in this partaking.
I expect nothing and appreciate everything.
Everything given is a lesson in how I can transcend myself.
Elevated and Free.
Like a bird.
Like I was always meant to.
Like we are all meant to.
May you be the thing that you seek.

May you breath into your own soul all the divinity that lies in nature.
The impulse of nature to exist- exists in you.
The thin string on which you are hung is delicate and holy.
It is beyond your comprehension and only within the eye of silence.
It is a sound no words can describe accurately.
It is the sigh of understanding.
The colour blue. The shimmer of gold.  A vibration.
That knowing.
At the centre of all that is moving. Endlessly moving.
It is the stillness in the middle.
It is why you must tend to your own awakening.
To awaken beyond the confines of your limits.
That which limits you is keeping you captive.

May you go beyond yourself.

If these words do not speak to you- If they are too intense.
Go on then . I do not ask that you read them.
They are for those who find them of use.
If you fear depth or earnestness, Go on then. Stay only on the surface. It is there that you will be perpetually dissatisfied and full of judgements and ignorance.
May you never know sorrow. Sorrow that digs a cavern of richness to house the delight of joy.
May you always feel free in light.
But if you have had anxiety so wretched and sadness so great that your heart ached, and you wept for it to stop.
Then, you must encircle yourself, as with a woolen sweater on a brisk day.
Encircle yourself with something beyond the silence.
Even the silence will not be enough.
You must give yourself the gift to explore the space that makes you know darkness.
The down talk met with valor.
Because in the darkest moments, even deep breaths are not enough.
Even a quiet mind.
Even positive thinking.
It is only love my dear. Only love that will do the trick.
You must love the one who you see looking back at you.
You must love your flaws. Your ugliness. Your wretched self.
You must love what you have thought was not worth loving. What you question others cannot love.
You must be intrepid, and see things as a whole.
Only in wholeness can you be loving.
Neither half nor intermittent will suffice.

In your depth grows a place that enables you to hold a love so great you could cast it out in every conceivable direction.

And go forward. Not seeking. But being.
Being soft. Being tender. Being raw.
Spilling your guts out to those you love. Unafraid of their reciprocity.
Unafraid of your tender heart. In your tenderness is beauty. In your tenderness there is the courage of real living. Living fully. Moment to moment.

But most of all, be true to yourself. And love for the sake of loving. For the sake of treating yourself to the pleasure of this gift.
Do however demand respect. Demand courtesy.
And if this is lacking. Walk away dear friends.
Walk away not because of dignity alone, but because you seek balance.
Because dignity you have already established. But balance you must constantly tend to. 
You can only demand integrity if you yourself have it. 
And at last, there are no rules.
You can make it up as you go along. You can find your own right way.

And if you love yourself.
If you respect yourself.
If you know your own worth.
If you know your beauty.
Skin deep and beyond.
The beauty of your own soul, because you have indeed tasted, felt, seen and experienced it for yourself.
Then, you will recover from whatever ails you.
From whatever discomforts you are feeling now.
If at last, you love yourself.
Then, you will always come back to yourself with the tenderness you need.
And you will meet your own needs.
And you will heal.
You will become that which you seek.
You will transcend.
Over and over. 

You will be entranced.